Would You Like Some Cheese With My Whine?

Well, here I am again, back where I started. This is ridiculous. I got paid on Friday so now I have some money to buy food that is more “on plan”. I went a little nuts over the weekend and ate out a couple of times at one of my favorite restaurants, just because I could. Apparently, not a great idea. I thought I was going to be smart on Sunday and went to Montana Jack’s breakfast buffet; I intended to stay away from the carbs and just eat protein. Worked great until I was seated at my table, secreted away from everyone else in the dining room in what is basically a hallway with three tables in it. That would have been OK too, but I was seated next to two – how do I put this delicately – zaftig – women. They were super large and in charge, hair: fabulous, makeup: expert, clothing: top notch. I thought to myself, maybe these ladies will inspire me to eat the way I should! They look great and are probably really conscious of what they eat. I covertly looked over at their table to see what was what over there, and I admit I was disappointed. They had six plates each – yes, each – and none of them were empty. I couldn’t figure out how they managed to get all of that food onto their table in one trip. They had biscuits and gravy, pancakes with different fruity toppings, hash browns, potato casserole, all forms of pork (bacon, sausage, ham) cinnamon rolls, coffee cake, and large omelets probably filled with small children. Despite myself, I was horrified. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt – maybe they had each lost a substantial amount of weight and had just decided to have a “day off”; perhaps it was to be their only meal of the day, etc. Buuuuuut…I wasn’t buying any of it.

I decided that what they were doing was none of my business and I had no reason to judge them, so I just ignored them. I was determined to be as good as possible. I just wasn’t in the mood for an omelet (with or without the small child filling) so I decided to stick to the proteins. I did have one biscuit with sausage gravy, and a little of the potato and cheese casserole, three slices of bacon, three sausage links, and a small piece of ham. I wound up going back for more potato and cheese dish, and caved and had two pancakes. I didn’t eat the ham. CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP. I know I set myself up for that. And I can’t blame the ladies at the other table for it either. It was all me.

I did get physical activity in, but I can’t really call it exercise. I cleaned up the garage trying to get ready for my upcoming garage sale and move. I’m pretty satisfied with what I accomplished, but I know I could have done more. It just hurts so bad. My back is in constant pain, and the more time I spend on my feet and/or bending and/or carrying things the more agony I incur. I try to push through it, knowing that things will never get better if I don’t, but eventually enough is enough and I can’t take it anymore. And so I have to stop. It makes me feel like I will never get anything accomplished and then the anxiety attacks kick in. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!!!!

So yesterday afternoon I went shopping and bought Lean Cuisines for work lunches and drink packets for water. Oh yeah, and a big bottle of Tylenol. My hopes are that if I can keep the worst of the pain at bay, I will be encouraged to move the bod. My goal this week is to keep working away at the garage sale prep and DRINK MORE WATER. I think that part of my pain is because I am so dehydrated all the time. My hip sockets practically squeak like rusty hinges when I walk, so I hope that a more hydrated body will stop that. I hope. My right hip has been especially painful (along with my left ankle) but I took some Tylenol last night before bed and it feels better today. Now I just feel jittery and shaky and whiney but I am sure that will pass. Wish me luck and I will try to be more upbeat in my next posting.

TTFN.