Monday, April 26, 2010


Woo hoo!! I'm not sure how or why, but I am down 10 and back under 330. Nice!

Remember when I said I have a lot of difficulty with weekends? Well, since I am going to post what I ate for the last two days, now you will see what I am talking about:

Saturday - 4-24:

Between 8am and Noon I consumed:

1 Sausage McMuffin w/egg
2 Hashbrowns
16.9 fl oz water

Between Noon and 5pm:

Nothing. Nada. Zip. This includes water.

Between 5pm and 10pm:

4 slices of toast

Sunday - 4-25:

Between 8am and Noon:

Squat all. As in zero. Nothing.

Between Noon and 5pm:

Still nothing.

Between 5pm and 10pm:

4 slices of toast.

It's just sad, isn't it? Saturday was full of promise; I was going to work in the yard because my landlord was getting his panties in a bunch about all the leaves in the backyard and on my deck. So, I ate what felt was a good, hearty breakfast so that I would have the necessary fuel to get the job done. I figured it would take me and my lazy butt all day to get the backyard done, then I would work in the front yard on Sunday.

I can only work for about 15 minutes at time because with all of the bending over, etc. my spine feel like it's going to snap in about 4 different spots. So, I paced myself and got about 7 big garbage bags full of leaves by the time I had to call it a day. I didn't finish, but I knew it would be no problem to complete the next day.

Sunday, I woke up and wondered how loud and long I could scream in agony before my neighbors called an ambulance. I. Could. Not. Move. Anything. Even blinking hurt. So, very very very sad. And pathetic. It took me all day to get dressed; fortunately it kept threatening rain so I decided to give up on the theory that once I got working again in the yard the stiffness and pain would go away, and just sat on the couch all day trying not to cry. When I decided to go to bed, I tried to slip my shoes off by putting the toe of one foot against the heel of the other - you know how you do - and just slip the shoe off without untying it. Well, I got one off, then stood in my hallway crying because it took me four tries to get the other one off. Oh mercy me.

This morning I was 10 minutes late for work because my shoes and my bra were the hardest things to put on; but I made it. I feel better this afternoon and intend, come hell or high water, to get back out there and work in the yard again when I get home from work. I figure that if I work on it for an hour or so each night, I'll have the back yard finished by trash day (Thursday). Hopefully that will be good enough to shut my landlords big stupid YAP.

Wish me luck. Lord knows I will need it.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Food diary from 4-23-10

Ok, as promised, here is my food journal from yesterday. See if you can help find out what's wrong with it.

Between 8am and Noon, I consumed:

1 single serving box of Cheerios cereal
16.9 fl oz of water w/one Crystal Lite drink mix packet

Between Noon and 5pm, I consumed:

6 Michelina's Baked Pepperoni Pizza Snackers
40z Musselman's apple sauce
16.9 fl oz of water w/one Hawaiian Punch drink mix packet

Between 5pm and 10pm, I consumed:

3 big, fat, juicy chicken strips from Wal Mart
1 small tub of Honey Mustard dressing/dip
1 large piece of white cake with tons of frosting
10oz Coke Zero
2 peanuts

Notice any problems? Let me tell you what I see, and if you see anything else, let me know in the comments.

1. I do not drink enough water.
2. I think I need to eat more for breakfast and have a more substantial lunch. By the time dinner rolls around, I am STARVING and that leads to cake and frosting.
3. Yes, the two peanuts are weird, but I promised complete disclosure and I have to eat a little something when I take my pills at night, otherwise they have a tendency to stick in my throat and not go down all the way.
4. Before dinner, I had consumed a total of 535 calories, 13g of fat, 82.5g carbs, 7g fiber, 25g sugar. That comes to a total of 10 WW points; and Belly Fat count stood at 5 carb servings and 25 sugars. Lord knows what they all wound up being after 10pm.

Well, that's it for yesterday. Weekends pose their own set of challenges for me as I have a tendency to sleep until 11 or Noon and not eat at all until 4pm in the afternoon. Gee, I wonder why I never have the energy to do anything on the weekends? I want to sleep the day away and that does not bode well, and it makes the weekends really short.

So, I am actually posting this at 9am (fully dressed, thank you) and I am going to get some breakfast then spend the majority of the day working in the yard. I'll post my food journal tomorrow.


Friday, April 23, 2010


You know, I have been thinking, worrying, obsessing, talking, writing, and feeling infuriated and helpless about my weight for so long now, you would think that I would have made some sort of progress on it by now.



Why the hell can’t I get my ginormous ass in gear? I mean, come on…338? That is now my official top weight, and it just happened this week!! It is only 12lbs away from 350, and I REFUSE to weigh 350!!! There isn’t enough strength in my skeleton for that sort of weight. I’m dying here, literally, but it doesn’t seem to get any better!!

Hmmm…maybe it’s because I don’t work at it.

At all.

I guess that I have been watching all the weight loss shows, reading all the weight loss books, and talking all the weight loss talk with other people apparently hoping that my body will pick up on what it is supposed to be doing via osmosis.


I sabotage myself all the time, but I just don’t know why. Well, I think I know what most of it is.


Pure, old fashioned, unadulterated laziness.

Do they sell self-discipline in pill form these days? No? Bummer. 'Cause, dude...I would so be first in line for that. I would still want it even if it was a suppository (is that spelled right?), and I don't do stuff that includes stuff being put up my butt. Ever. So don't ask.

I can talk the talk like an expert; give myself all the pep talks I want until I’m blue in the face, but it just doesn’t seem to sink in. All the way in. It’s just barely penetrating the surface and then it evaporates, leaving behind the residue of good intentions but that’s about it.

I think I am waiting for someone else to lose this weight for me - just like I am waiting for someone else to clean my house, handle my finances, and pack up my house for this move in July. Even though I KNOW that no one can lose this weight for me, it seems like that is how I feel. If I just wish, pray, cry or concentrate hard enough, I won't really have to do the work.

All I can do is keep trying. Maybe one day something will penetrate this weird rubber layer that I am insulated with, and some little grain will get into my consciousness and take root and grow.

And so, I am trying once again. I have decided to follow the WW plan (points) while trying to make my choices fit in with the Belly Fat Cure plan. I am going back to documenting everything I eat (I loathe that part, but I know it really works), and since I am drop dead broke, sticking to the WW plan actually helps because I can buy the Smart Ones or Lean Cuisine frozen entrees and usually stay within my budget. It will also help that all of my money is gone because then I have to eat what I brought to work for lunch, instead of bailing on it and eating out at Taco Bell or similar. Buying processed foods can be tricky in keeping in line with the Belly Fat plan, but it will still be better than eating out.

I plan to start posting my daily intake on here again (does it count as again if you never really did it before?), and hopefully that commitment to honesty will also help keep me in line. I have also managed to get my blood pressure RX refilled, so I should loose about 5lbs in water weight (all from my ankles) and it should keep me from retaining so much as I go along. I find that as my weight drops, the swelling gets better – probably because my general body inflammation that obesity causes is also being reduced.

So, that is where I stand (wobbily) right now. My move is coming up faster than I can deal with, my left ankle is bad and now my right hip is bothering me; I haven't been doing any walking and the countdown has already started for the ALS walk in September. Time to GET WITH IT.

Wish me luck.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Getting started...

So today, about 45 minutes ago to be exact, I finally got started on my training for the 5k ALS walk in September. I walked about a quarter mile right when I got home from work. I jumped out of the Rodeo, grabbed my Nordic walking sticks and hit the sidewalk (not literally, thanks to the walking sticks). It was hard. My lower back was screaming obscenities at me (the really bad ones) but I kept going. I was out of breath, coughing, and my feet and lower legs were on fire (thanks for that fabulous gift, diabetic nerve damage!), but I did it. And I'm gonna do it tomorrow too. I won't commit to more than tomorrow, and then when tomorrow becomes today, I will commit to tomorrow again. I think I will stick with that sort of commitment. One day down, 23 weeks to go!

I've been eating a little better - actually, more like just eating a little less. These next two weeks are going to be super tight money wise, so I'm going to load up on Smart Ones and Lean Cuisines to keep me from eating out at lunchtime; and will think up some easy and cheap stuff for dinners. Tonight I will have a 1/4 cup of Lloyd's shredded BBQ beef on an English muffin with some applesauce and one serving of Pringles Mexican Layered Dip chips on the side. Hopefully that will hold me for the evening. If I am good and don't watch TV all night, then I won't crave goodies (lately I have been on a cake binge - it's hard to find good enough cake around here, and that is a good thing!!).

Welp, gotta go throw some stuff in the washer and make myself dinner so that I don't get too hungry. That spells trouble for me.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

I'm back - with a NEW GOAL

Well, obviously the weight loss thing hasn’t been going so hot. I lost 10 lbs and gained it back; I actually probably did that about 6 times since the last time I posted on here.

*insert “World’s Worst Weight Loss Blog Ever Award here*

I am still working on the issues with my therapist that cause me to run straight to food for comfort; the hard part is that it is basically everything in my life! I have a lot of holes in my heart and soul, and I recognize now that I use food as a kind of spackle to try to fill those holes. Now I just have to work on finding other ways to fill those holes instead of using food. It may take a while.

So I have decided to change tactics.

One of my nieces sent me an email yesterday that has lit a fire under me for a couple of reasons. Her father, my sister’s ex-brother-in-law, has ALS (better known as Lou Gehrig’s disease). She sent out an email asking for creative ideas for a team name because she is getting one together for an ALS walk. We traded a few emails back and forth, then I thought – hey, why not find out when the walk is? If I haven’t moved back to Washington yet, I will do it here in Billings by myself in honor of him.

Turns out the walk is September 26th. I will definitely be back on the west coast by then, so I told my niece to sign me up to be on her team.

It’s a three mile walk. She is going to start training for it with one of my other nieces next week. I am going to have to train on my own, at least until I move, but I am going to start this weekend and the goal is to have some endurance built up by the time I move this summer. Then I can finish my training out there.

My niece is in the same boat as me; severely overweight and can’t seem to lose it, and continues to gain weight and be incredibly frustrated by it. We both have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which can really interfere with weight loss and contribute to weight gain, so she and I can empathize with each other on the weight loss battle. She made the comment that she doesn’t have to be a size 2 to do a three mile walk, and she is totally right. And I told her that if she starts preparing for this walk now, she will be a smaller size when the day for that walk rolls around; and so will I.

So – there you have it. My new goal. I am still going to work on my eating habits, etc., but right now the main goal is exercise. I know that as I start to feel healthier through exercise and start to see changes in my body because of it, it will help me to want to eat better as well. I can’t wait to get started!!

Any tips on how someone my size (5’3” and weight is listed above) and completely sedentary can safely and effectively get started on this exercise goal?