I am very happy with my progress last week - YAY ME! 6.6lbs in a week ain't too shabby; heck that is Biggest Loser weight loss! It's not the 10-13lbs promised in the book, but I have to be fair and say that I didn't stick to the plan very well. I have no trouble coming in under 15 grams of sugar every day - heck, I'm lucky to get to 7 grams. The problem is the 6 servings of carbs; I usually come in closer to 7-9. But, that is still waaaaay less than the amount of carbs I would normally get in a day; probably closer to 15. Carbs are my downfall. I admit it. So I am doing my best and being proud of my accomplishment.
Now comes the hard part.
This is where I usually fall apart - week two. I am happy that I lost weight, and then promptly give myself permission to celebrate with a large pizza and a pumpkin pie. Or ice cream. Or cake. Or donuts. Or all of those things. I am proud of myself that I have not succumbed to that. The other thing I do is be happy about the loss, then go to the store and be resentful about all the foods I "can't" eat. Which is pretty much everything I just listed above. To make matters worse, every bloody store on the planet has Valentine's Day candy freaking EVERYWHERE. But, I persevered; I bought my little steaks and got the hell out of Albertson's before I changed my mind.
The plan is really not hard; it's not like Atkins that denied you carbs of any kind. I don't feel deprived and didn't really have any sugar cravings at all last week. I am allowed to have bread - in fact, I make a screamingly awesome mini pizza on a piece of pita bread that rivals Pizza Hut or Domino's! YUM. Just one fills up that craving for pizza and/or fast food; I feel like I kinda got away with something when I really just stuck to the plan. Again - YAY ME!
I also have to be honest and say that probably half of that weight loss is water weight. My ankles have been swollen to the size of a beluga whale over the last several weeks; sometimes my feet are so swollen I can't get my shoes on. Now they are all tiny and my shoes are tied as tight as they can go. I was off of my blood pressure meds (stupid wage garnishment) and finally bit the bullet and got the RX refilled instead of paying the electric bill, so a lot of that water retention is receding. The tide is now out!
I don't care. 6.6lbs is gone from my frame, and I look forward with great anticipation to watching NFL football and not comparing my weight to the players.
TTFN.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
WHEN I AM HEALTHY...
Here is a list of things that I look forward to experiencing when I am healthy (and/or thin) enough to do them:
Flying comfortably in an airplane, and knowing that the person next to me is comfortable too because I am not sharing part of their seat with them.
To bend over and tie my shoes without being out of breath.
To fit into anyone’s car and be able to click the seat belt no matter which seat I am sitting in, even the middle in the back.
Wearing pencil skirts and high heels again.
Riding my bike for hours a day, and in the process regaining the fabulous legs I sported as a young woman.
Taking my young great nieces and nephews hiking in the great Pacific Northwest. Or just running, jumping, and playing with them in the back yard.
To be able to ride roller coasters again because the safety bars come all the way down.
Having the self confidence that good health and a healthy body image can give.
Not having to buy my personal under-things (britches and similar) in the industrial section of the plus sized women’s clothier, or online because I can’t find a store that carries said under-things (bolder holders) in my massive size. I want to buy more than body fragrances at Victoria’s Secret.
To buy clothes “off the rack” without having to try them on, because I know they will fit and I will look fabulous. It would be awesome to be on TLC’s What Not To Wear; I am afraid that I won’t have any clue how to dress myself if the size doesn’t have an X in it. Tip: if the skirt is wider than it is long, put it back. Just because they make it in your size does not mean you should be wearing it.
Being fashionable. Perhaps even smugly so.
Doing yoga, tai chi, belly dancing, and other exercises that will make me feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Not being diabetic anymore and saving money on my health insurance because I am not needing to purchase outrageously priced prescription medications anymore.
A good night’s sleep without the C-PAP machine to keep me from dying in the night.
Finding someone to love that loves me back (preferably male).
Finally being happy and content in my own skin.
Being able to fit into my high school letter jacket again (it is super warm and super awesome).
Having more than just a “pretty face”. I want to have a rockin’ bod to go with it.
To hold my head up high at my 30th high school reunion (2015).
To be able to just eat without having to agonize over it or think about it. I will know what I should eat and how much without having to consult books, DVDs, websites, or magic eight balls.
To take dance lessons – ballroom, Latin, and swing!! Dancing with style and skill at my great nieces and nephews weddings.
To not have to have lists like this anymore to remind me of the things I am missing out on just because I am morbidly obese and dangerously unhealthy.
Just to be free, free, free…
What about you? Share what you want to experience in your future – leave your list in the comments.
TTFN
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT…
…but I will.
Yep, it’s another gain for me for last week. Well, it’s going to stop. Now. As of yesterday.
I am done procrastinating, and I am ready to get down to business. Don’t ask why, just go with it. That is what I am doing.
I am going to try something new that I think will work for me. Even though my wages are being garnished and I am flat broke, I bought a book from Amazon – The Belly Fat Cure by Jorge Cruise. It was only $9.99, so I figured I would take a chance. Now, normally I steer clear of books about diet and nutrition that have the words “miracle” or “cure” or similar in the title; I am a firm endorser of that famous phrase: if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. But I was reading an article in the most recent Costco Connection magazine where Jorge was on the cover, and it went into his philosophy a little and it kind of clicked with me. The basic gist of his program is to eat less sugar and carbs. Yes, it’s not new or scientifically ground breaking. And as a type 2 diabetic, it is really how I should be eating anyway. But I have never been able to wrap my head around this; and with all of the studies being done showing that the Atkins plan is really not that healthy for you, I just didn’t really know what to do. I had already pretty much eliminated pasta from my diet because it is high in carbs – but it was hard because when you look at the majority of frozen diet entrees sold in the market today, they all have pasta in them. So I tried really hard to stick to the ones that were pasta free. I don’t normally eat a lot of bread at home, but because I am a fast food addict, avoiding bread was next to impossible. And you all who know me know how I love my pizza! I started ordering Domino’s thin crust pizza when I caved to the craving because their thin crust is ultra thin, and I figured I was saving a ton of carbs just by doing that. Well, obviously it hasn’t been doing me much good.
His philosophy is very close to the one set forth by Dr. Mehmet Oz, author of YOU: Being Beautiful and YOU: On A Diet – it’s all in your waist measurement. If your waist measurement falls into the healthy range, you will be healthy. That doesn’t mean you will be the same size as a Victoria’s Secret model, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing as I am pretty sure that being 5’10” and only weighing 105lbs isn’t healthy either. For women, the goal waist size should be 35” or less, and for men 40” or less. Do you want to know what my waist measurement is? I don’t want to tell you, but I will since I have pledged complete honesty in this blog. It is 65”. Yep. The tape measure was only 60”, so I had to make an educated estimate past that. Sigh… In the book there is a lot of discussion about Paleolithic times and why our waist-to-hip ratio was important to our ancestors blah, blah, blah; I won’t go into it here. If you want to know about it, read the book. In fact, if you want to follow this plan, read the book and talk to your doctor about it. Here is the plan in a nutshell: structure your daily eating plan around 15 grams of sugar per day and 6 servings of carbs per day – notice I said SERVINGS, not GRAMS. The problem with the Atkins diet is that they want you to eat as close to zero grams of carbs as possible, and that just simply isn’t healthy for you (since carbs are a natural and important part of our diet when consumed in moderation) and it isn’t very practical or enjoyable. The scary thing is how sugar has completely invaded almost everything we eat nowadays, and how it isn’t even necessary in the vast majority of what we consume. There are, of course, naturally occurring sugars such as in fruits and milk. Unfortunately for me, fruit and yogurt are two of my favorite go-to-diet components. Fruit on this plan is assigned a more stingy role in the diet – not cut out altogether, but discouraged as a main staple of the diet. As a type 2 diabetic, this is in line with the medical stipulations on diet in general. And milk has a ton of sugar in it!! Ever heard of lactose? That is the natural occurring sugar in dairy and it doesn’t agree with a lot of people (thus being lactose intolerant). I should stay away from milk anyway, as I do have an allergy to it, but I do love me some cold cereal and milk, and what else are you going to dunk your double stuffed Oreos in? He strongly recommends almond milk, which so far I have not been able to find out here. Oh well, I rarely drink it, just use it in cooking and for the aforementioned cereal and cookies, which I won’t be ingesting much of now anyway.
Anyhoo, basically if you are eating foods lower in sugar and carbs, you will be eating lower calorie foods as well. HOWEVER, and I put this in BIG CAPS, one thing reading food labels over the years has taught me is that food may be low in calories and carbs but can still be high in fat. Like meat and cheese. These can be “freebies” on this plan so you feel like you can eat as much as you want; but they can be quite high in fat so be sure to use moderation. That means don’t stuff your face with them, OK? OK. Glad we covered that. The book has a ton of recipes in it to help you with meals, etc. Oh, and you get to have some fast foods too – like Taco Bell! One of my favorites!! So I liked that provision because I have a tendency to freak out if I can’t have an emergency drive thru option.
There are two things that Jorge and I butt heads on: exercise and diet drinks. He keeps saying how exercise is completely unnecessary and is only needed if you want to build strength. I feel that exercise is a vital part of a healthy human being’s life; maybe not body building or gym membership required type exercise, but you should move your body on a daily basis if you can. That part of the plan kind of bugs me, because it harks back to those fad diets that claim you don’t have to exercise to lose weight. Uh, I disagree. And I agree with Sissy – I don’t want to lose a ton of weight and have my skin hanging off of me like an ill fitting suit. I want to be toned, and that only comes with exercise. The other sore point is diet drinks because of the artificial sweeteners in them. Ok, look – I know that those things are bad for you, and soda pop is basically water and chemicals. I get that, I really do. And I know that aspartame (Equal and NutraSweet) is linked to brain tumors, sucralose (found in Splenda) destroys the good bacteria in your gut and triggers the same blood sugar reactions in diabetics that pure sugar does, and saccharin (Sweet ‘N Low) causes cancer in rats. However, if you want me to get fluids into me, then I will be ingesting them. I will make a diligent effort to cut back, but I love my little packets of powder that I pour into my stainless steel water bottle every day, and I love my Coke Zero. So, back off buddy, lest you reach for my drink and draw back a bloody stump. This is basically the only time I come into contact with artificial sweeteners, and right now I feel I have to choose my battles. When I get close to the end of the war, this will be one of the last battles I fight; hopefully by then I will be strong enough to be victorious!
The other thing that I do like about this plan is that there is no introductory period where you have to cut yourself to the bone and “shock” your system into losing the weight. You just…start. So, I started today. Well, actually yesterday, but I don’t think I did very well. I went grocery shopping last night at Wally World; I didn’t have to buy anything special, but I did need to buy stuff that was – shall we say – appropriate. I did try some sugar free cookies and bought a box of Truvia (a natural sweetener made from the stevia plant – good stuff Maynard). I also purchased a box of instant grits as a sub for my normal morning breakfast of instant oatmeal that I have at my desk at work. No sugar in grits! They were really good too! I got the butter flavor, and it just needed to add about ½ a packet of Truvia as the grits tended to be a bit salty.
We shall see how this goes; I will write again next week (if not sooner) to report on how it’s going. Wish me luck!!
TTFN.
Yep, it’s another gain for me for last week. Well, it’s going to stop. Now. As of yesterday.
I am done procrastinating, and I am ready to get down to business. Don’t ask why, just go with it. That is what I am doing.
I am going to try something new that I think will work for me. Even though my wages are being garnished and I am flat broke, I bought a book from Amazon – The Belly Fat Cure by Jorge Cruise. It was only $9.99, so I figured I would take a chance. Now, normally I steer clear of books about diet and nutrition that have the words “miracle” or “cure” or similar in the title; I am a firm endorser of that famous phrase: if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. But I was reading an article in the most recent Costco Connection magazine where Jorge was on the cover, and it went into his philosophy a little and it kind of clicked with me. The basic gist of his program is to eat less sugar and carbs. Yes, it’s not new or scientifically ground breaking. And as a type 2 diabetic, it is really how I should be eating anyway. But I have never been able to wrap my head around this; and with all of the studies being done showing that the Atkins plan is really not that healthy for you, I just didn’t really know what to do. I had already pretty much eliminated pasta from my diet because it is high in carbs – but it was hard because when you look at the majority of frozen diet entrees sold in the market today, they all have pasta in them. So I tried really hard to stick to the ones that were pasta free. I don’t normally eat a lot of bread at home, but because I am a fast food addict, avoiding bread was next to impossible. And you all who know me know how I love my pizza! I started ordering Domino’s thin crust pizza when I caved to the craving because their thin crust is ultra thin, and I figured I was saving a ton of carbs just by doing that. Well, obviously it hasn’t been doing me much good.
His philosophy is very close to the one set forth by Dr. Mehmet Oz, author of YOU: Being Beautiful and YOU: On A Diet – it’s all in your waist measurement. If your waist measurement falls into the healthy range, you will be healthy. That doesn’t mean you will be the same size as a Victoria’s Secret model, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing as I am pretty sure that being 5’10” and only weighing 105lbs isn’t healthy either. For women, the goal waist size should be 35” or less, and for men 40” or less. Do you want to know what my waist measurement is? I don’t want to tell you, but I will since I have pledged complete honesty in this blog. It is 65”. Yep. The tape measure was only 60”, so I had to make an educated estimate past that. Sigh… In the book there is a lot of discussion about Paleolithic times and why our waist-to-hip ratio was important to our ancestors blah, blah, blah; I won’t go into it here. If you want to know about it, read the book. In fact, if you want to follow this plan, read the book and talk to your doctor about it. Here is the plan in a nutshell: structure your daily eating plan around 15 grams of sugar per day and 6 servings of carbs per day – notice I said SERVINGS, not GRAMS. The problem with the Atkins diet is that they want you to eat as close to zero grams of carbs as possible, and that just simply isn’t healthy for you (since carbs are a natural and important part of our diet when consumed in moderation) and it isn’t very practical or enjoyable. The scary thing is how sugar has completely invaded almost everything we eat nowadays, and how it isn’t even necessary in the vast majority of what we consume. There are, of course, naturally occurring sugars such as in fruits and milk. Unfortunately for me, fruit and yogurt are two of my favorite go-to-diet components. Fruit on this plan is assigned a more stingy role in the diet – not cut out altogether, but discouraged as a main staple of the diet. As a type 2 diabetic, this is in line with the medical stipulations on diet in general. And milk has a ton of sugar in it!! Ever heard of lactose? That is the natural occurring sugar in dairy and it doesn’t agree with a lot of people (thus being lactose intolerant). I should stay away from milk anyway, as I do have an allergy to it, but I do love me some cold cereal and milk, and what else are you going to dunk your double stuffed Oreos in? He strongly recommends almond milk, which so far I have not been able to find out here. Oh well, I rarely drink it, just use it in cooking and for the aforementioned cereal and cookies, which I won’t be ingesting much of now anyway.
Anyhoo, basically if you are eating foods lower in sugar and carbs, you will be eating lower calorie foods as well. HOWEVER, and I put this in BIG CAPS, one thing reading food labels over the years has taught me is that food may be low in calories and carbs but can still be high in fat. Like meat and cheese. These can be “freebies” on this plan so you feel like you can eat as much as you want; but they can be quite high in fat so be sure to use moderation. That means don’t stuff your face with them, OK? OK. Glad we covered that. The book has a ton of recipes in it to help you with meals, etc. Oh, and you get to have some fast foods too – like Taco Bell! One of my favorites!! So I liked that provision because I have a tendency to freak out if I can’t have an emergency drive thru option.
There are two things that Jorge and I butt heads on: exercise and diet drinks. He keeps saying how exercise is completely unnecessary and is only needed if you want to build strength. I feel that exercise is a vital part of a healthy human being’s life; maybe not body building or gym membership required type exercise, but you should move your body on a daily basis if you can. That part of the plan kind of bugs me, because it harks back to those fad diets that claim you don’t have to exercise to lose weight. Uh, I disagree. And I agree with Sissy – I don’t want to lose a ton of weight and have my skin hanging off of me like an ill fitting suit. I want to be toned, and that only comes with exercise. The other sore point is diet drinks because of the artificial sweeteners in them. Ok, look – I know that those things are bad for you, and soda pop is basically water and chemicals. I get that, I really do. And I know that aspartame (Equal and NutraSweet) is linked to brain tumors, sucralose (found in Splenda) destroys the good bacteria in your gut and triggers the same blood sugar reactions in diabetics that pure sugar does, and saccharin (Sweet ‘N Low) causes cancer in rats. However, if you want me to get fluids into me, then I will be ingesting them. I will make a diligent effort to cut back, but I love my little packets of powder that I pour into my stainless steel water bottle every day, and I love my Coke Zero. So, back off buddy, lest you reach for my drink and draw back a bloody stump. This is basically the only time I come into contact with artificial sweeteners, and right now I feel I have to choose my battles. When I get close to the end of the war, this will be one of the last battles I fight; hopefully by then I will be strong enough to be victorious!
The other thing that I do like about this plan is that there is no introductory period where you have to cut yourself to the bone and “shock” your system into losing the weight. You just…start. So, I started today. Well, actually yesterday, but I don’t think I did very well. I went grocery shopping last night at Wally World; I didn’t have to buy anything special, but I did need to buy stuff that was – shall we say – appropriate. I did try some sugar free cookies and bought a box of Truvia (a natural sweetener made from the stevia plant – good stuff Maynard). I also purchased a box of instant grits as a sub for my normal morning breakfast of instant oatmeal that I have at my desk at work. No sugar in grits! They were really good too! I got the butter flavor, and it just needed to add about ½ a packet of Truvia as the grits tended to be a bit salty.
We shall see how this goes; I will write again next week (if not sooner) to report on how it’s going. Wish me luck!!
TTFN.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Another Year
Well, it's another new year, another new decade. I don't do the New Year's Resolution thing because I always seem to set myself up for certain failure when I do that. And I always seem to break them within hours of making them, so what's the point?
Weigh in is tomorrow, and I don't know if I will have made any progress or not. I feel like I may have lost a pound or two, but we shall see. I am retaining a lot of water lately - not an excuse, just a fact. I still haven't done the BL DVD yet, but I promise I will do it soon!!
I did make one new discovery this week: Yoplait Delights Parfaits. YUMMY!!!!! So far I have seen three flavors in the stores: Triple Berry Creme, Lemon Torte, and Chocolate Raspberry. I have not tried the Chocolate Raspberry yet; I am not normally a fan of chocolate flavored yogurt, but the other two are so lovely and wonderful that I just might give it a try. I am a HUGE fan of lemon, and the Lemon Torte flavor almost tastes like a lemon meringue pie without the crust. They are only 100 calories for a 4oz cup. I was thinking, "yeah, right - only four ounces? I will eat that in two bites!" Not true. I don't know how they do it, but the yogurt is so thick and creamy; it definitely takes more than two bites. I want to savor each bite!
I haven't been eating the best of menus this week, but I have been pretty good with portion size. Oh, and my dear sister gave me a great idea that I tweaked a little: instead of ordering pizza, she makes her own "slices" with garlic sourdough bread and mozzarella cheese under the broiler. I can't find the garlic sourdough out here, so I make mine with ciabatta rolls. I cut one roll in half and squirt just a little bit of bottled pizza sauce on each half. I also add just a little chopped garlic, then sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top and throw them in the toaster oven and toast until the cheese is all bubbly and slightly browned. YUMMY!!!! It totally kicks the pizza craving, and it's ready in less time than it takes to go online and order from Domino's. Try it!
TTFN.
Weigh in is tomorrow, and I don't know if I will have made any progress or not. I feel like I may have lost a pound or two, but we shall see. I am retaining a lot of water lately - not an excuse, just a fact. I still haven't done the BL DVD yet, but I promise I will do it soon!!
I did make one new discovery this week: Yoplait Delights Parfaits. YUMMY!!!!! So far I have seen three flavors in the stores: Triple Berry Creme, Lemon Torte, and Chocolate Raspberry. I have not tried the Chocolate Raspberry yet; I am not normally a fan of chocolate flavored yogurt, but the other two are so lovely and wonderful that I just might give it a try. I am a HUGE fan of lemon, and the Lemon Torte flavor almost tastes like a lemon meringue pie without the crust. They are only 100 calories for a 4oz cup. I was thinking, "yeah, right - only four ounces? I will eat that in two bites!" Not true. I don't know how they do it, but the yogurt is so thick and creamy; it definitely takes more than two bites. I want to savor each bite!
I haven't been eating the best of menus this week, but I have been pretty good with portion size. Oh, and my dear sister gave me a great idea that I tweaked a little: instead of ordering pizza, she makes her own "slices" with garlic sourdough bread and mozzarella cheese under the broiler. I can't find the garlic sourdough out here, so I make mine with ciabatta rolls. I cut one roll in half and squirt just a little bit of bottled pizza sauce on each half. I also add just a little chopped garlic, then sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top and throw them in the toaster oven and toast until the cheese is all bubbly and slightly browned. YUMMY!!!! It totally kicks the pizza craving, and it's ready in less time than it takes to go online and order from Domino's. Try it!
TTFN.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Drugs or no drugs? What a question...
I am trying to decide if I want to start using the weight loss product Alli. Has anyone out there used it? I went to the website - www.myalli.com - and they have lots of information on there about how it works, etc. so I won't go into all of that here. You can check out the website for yourself if you are interested. It just makes me mad that I can't seem to do this on my own. I know my body will do it, but it's my mind that I cannot make behave!
Case in point - I went grocery shopping at Wally World last night. I meant to do it Monday night, but I had a coughing spell in the parking lot at work as I was leaving for the day and peed my pants. Yep; I was thrilled, I can assure you, and with the language I was using there was no hiding how thrilled I was about it. People in Columbus, OH could hear me. TMI? Oh well. That's just me - telling you stuff you would really just rather not know. But I digress. So, I had my little list of stuff to get; and that is a problem. The list is little and not specific, which leaves too much room for interpretation by my brain. BREAD could mean Asagio cheese rolls that go stale in a day so I will have to eat all six that come in the package tonight so that I won't be wasting my money, or it could mean thick slices of Potato bread that are 250 calories per slice and are full of preservatives, or it could be that dry whole wheat stuff that resembles cardboard that I keep buying and refuse to eat unless it is smothered in butter and cream cheese. FRUIT could be interpreted as frozen strawberries in sugar syrup, and TOILET PAPER could be interpreted as cheesecake. I don't sit down and make up a plan, or a menu if you will, of meals for the week and then shop appropriately. I have a tendency to just grab whatever happens to be in the house and make do. Which is usually a huge mistake. You know how you stand in the middle of your kitchen, hands on hips, and say, "We have a ton of food in the house but nothing to EAT!" It's kind of like that. I have lots of components, but I don't have the capability of pulling stuff together into a healthy meal. That is why I end up ordering pizza a lot - I don't necessarily want pizza, but someone will bring it to me and I don't have anything else in the house (or anything in the house that I currently want to eat). That is how I wind up sitting in my underwear watching South Park and eating pickles straight out of the jar. I try to have a variety of frozen entrees in the freezer - Smart Ones, Lean Cuisine, etc. - because apparently I am not capable of fixing myself a decent lunch either the night before or in the morning. This way I can just grab one of those and a can of fruit on my way out the door and call it good. The problem with that is sometimes, it's shocking I know, I don't want that for lunch once lunchtime rolls around. In order to eat this lunch, I have to stay at work. I hate being at work, and I don't get any breaks during the day, so this is my only opportunity to get the hell out of there and away from my desk (and some of my co-workers) for an hour. So that drives me to fast food. A lot. Seriously - a lot. And living in Billings, MT seriously limits your fast food options. There isn't a lot to choose from. And, from what I understand about Alli, if you eat a lot of fat in a meal, you get the Hershey squirts. Fabulous!!! Obviously, it is a side effect that helps to use negative reinforcement: Alli manufacturer - Oh dear, if someone eats a Big Mac and a large fries while using this product, they will have explosive diarrhea! Fellow Alli manufacturer - Well, maybe if it gives the fat bastard the shits, they will stop eating that crap.
So, I am still on the fence about using it. I know that I need to change my behavior - plan better, eat better, move my body - in order to affect change in myself. It's just very, very hard. I think that I just get so confused - count calories! No, don't count calories, just count carbs! No, don't count carbs, eat low fat! No, don't eat red meat! No, eat only red meat and pickles! And cabbage soup!! Read this book - it has all the answers! No, take this pill - it's all you need! No, have surgery! No, just run around the block every 30 seconds! And buy this piece of exercise equipment that is the same size and costs the same as a small car! No, join this gym and make outrageous payments every month for the rest of your life for the privilege of never going again after the first three days!!! I feel like I need to do it all and I just can't so I don't do anything. Besides, if I go to a gym or exercise outside I may actually have to interact with some other fellow human being - IN PERSON - and we just can't have that! Besides, it cuts into the gargantuan amount of time that I spend watching TV.
And that just won't do. Nope, it won't do at all.
TTFN.
Case in point - I went grocery shopping at Wally World last night. I meant to do it Monday night, but I had a coughing spell in the parking lot at work as I was leaving for the day and peed my pants. Yep; I was thrilled, I can assure you, and with the language I was using there was no hiding how thrilled I was about it. People in Columbus, OH could hear me. TMI? Oh well. That's just me - telling you stuff you would really just rather not know. But I digress. So, I had my little list of stuff to get; and that is a problem. The list is little and not specific, which leaves too much room for interpretation by my brain. BREAD could mean Asagio cheese rolls that go stale in a day so I will have to eat all six that come in the package tonight so that I won't be wasting my money, or it could mean thick slices of Potato bread that are 250 calories per slice and are full of preservatives, or it could be that dry whole wheat stuff that resembles cardboard that I keep buying and refuse to eat unless it is smothered in butter and cream cheese. FRUIT could be interpreted as frozen strawberries in sugar syrup, and TOILET PAPER could be interpreted as cheesecake. I don't sit down and make up a plan, or a menu if you will, of meals for the week and then shop appropriately. I have a tendency to just grab whatever happens to be in the house and make do. Which is usually a huge mistake. You know how you stand in the middle of your kitchen, hands on hips, and say, "We have a ton of food in the house but nothing to EAT!" It's kind of like that. I have lots of components, but I don't have the capability of pulling stuff together into a healthy meal. That is why I end up ordering pizza a lot - I don't necessarily want pizza, but someone will bring it to me and I don't have anything else in the house (or anything in the house that I currently want to eat). That is how I wind up sitting in my underwear watching South Park and eating pickles straight out of the jar. I try to have a variety of frozen entrees in the freezer - Smart Ones, Lean Cuisine, etc. - because apparently I am not capable of fixing myself a decent lunch either the night before or in the morning. This way I can just grab one of those and a can of fruit on my way out the door and call it good. The problem with that is sometimes, it's shocking I know, I don't want that for lunch once lunchtime rolls around. In order to eat this lunch, I have to stay at work. I hate being at work, and I don't get any breaks during the day, so this is my only opportunity to get the hell out of there and away from my desk (and some of my co-workers) for an hour. So that drives me to fast food. A lot. Seriously - a lot. And living in Billings, MT seriously limits your fast food options. There isn't a lot to choose from. And, from what I understand about Alli, if you eat a lot of fat in a meal, you get the Hershey squirts. Fabulous!!! Obviously, it is a side effect that helps to use negative reinforcement: Alli manufacturer - Oh dear, if someone eats a Big Mac and a large fries while using this product, they will have explosive diarrhea! Fellow Alli manufacturer - Well, maybe if it gives the fat bastard the shits, they will stop eating that crap.
So, I am still on the fence about using it. I know that I need to change my behavior - plan better, eat better, move my body - in order to affect change in myself. It's just very, very hard. I think that I just get so confused - count calories! No, don't count calories, just count carbs! No, don't count carbs, eat low fat! No, don't eat red meat! No, eat only red meat and pickles! And cabbage soup!! Read this book - it has all the answers! No, take this pill - it's all you need! No, have surgery! No, just run around the block every 30 seconds! And buy this piece of exercise equipment that is the same size and costs the same as a small car! No, join this gym and make outrageous payments every month for the rest of your life for the privilege of never going again after the first three days!!! I feel like I need to do it all and I just can't so I don't do anything. Besides, if I go to a gym or exercise outside I may actually have to interact with some other fellow human being - IN PERSON - and we just can't have that! Besides, it cuts into the gargantuan amount of time that I spend watching TV.
And that just won't do. Nope, it won't do at all.
TTFN.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I suck...
...at this. Well, let's be fair; obviously I am not trying very hard, so should I really say that I suck at it?
Yes.
EEERRRGGG!!!! What the hell is wrong with me??? Why can't I get going? Why can't I see that I am killing myself here? Why can't I care???
I want to scream and yell that I am trying, that nothing works; but it's not true. I'm not trying, and I don't understand why the hell not. I WANT to be thinner, I WANT to be healthier, I DON'T WANT to die an early weight-related death. I don't want to be "Big Auntie" any more; I want to be "Slim and Trim Auntie" instead. I want to be "Hiking and Biking, Iron Man Finisher Auntie", not "Come over and we'll order a pizza and watch a movie Auntie".
One of the sales reps I support always sends me cash at Christmas time every year. This year I went out and bought the original "Biggest Loser Workout" DVD. I bought it on Thursday; have I used it yet? No, but I plan to. I thought it would probably be the least "butt kicking" to start out with since it is the very first one they put out. We shall see.
I don't think anyone sent me any good diet vibes last week; please send some this week, and maybe a few workout vibes too. Please - I obviously need all the help I can get!
TTFN.
Yes.
EEERRRGGG!!!! What the hell is wrong with me??? Why can't I get going? Why can't I see that I am killing myself here? Why can't I care???
I want to scream and yell that I am trying, that nothing works; but it's not true. I'm not trying, and I don't understand why the hell not. I WANT to be thinner, I WANT to be healthier, I DON'T WANT to die an early weight-related death. I don't want to be "Big Auntie" any more; I want to be "Slim and Trim Auntie" instead. I want to be "Hiking and Biking, Iron Man Finisher Auntie", not "Come over and we'll order a pizza and watch a movie Auntie".
One of the sales reps I support always sends me cash at Christmas time every year. This year I went out and bought the original "Biggest Loser Workout" DVD. I bought it on Thursday; have I used it yet? No, but I plan to. I thought it would probably be the least "butt kicking" to start out with since it is the very first one they put out. We shall see.
I don't think anyone sent me any good diet vibes last week; please send some this week, and maybe a few workout vibes too. Please - I obviously need all the help I can get!
TTFN.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Going the wrong way!
Well, I gained a pound this week. I am trying not to be too disheartened; I went out to lunch with friends once this week and, to be perfectly honest, my heart just wasn't really in it. I know what I have to do, but I just...don't...wanna. Sigh. Not the best mind-set for weight loss, I'm afraid.
I have GOT to get with it; I want to lose at least 50 lbs before I have to move to Washington. Sissy says that it would be a good idea so that being on my feet and being physical during the move won't be so hard on me. She's right. Also, Saturday Ollie and I were supposed to go to the movies, but I had to bail on her because I was hit with really bad dizzy spells; she is concerned that it was my blood pressure spiking. She may have been right; I checked my blood sugar and it was right where it was supposed to be. I had them most of the day along with a bad headache - not migraine status, but close. I have GOT to start taking care of myself; why can't I see that?
Well, today is another day to make good choices. I didn't pack a lunch today (bad girl) because I have to run around at lunchtime getting some documents notorized, etc. I will troll the nutritional websites of the local fast food places and see if I can come up with a good lunch.
Please send me all of your fabulous weight-loss vibes!!
TTFN.
I have GOT to get with it; I want to lose at least 50 lbs before I have to move to Washington. Sissy says that it would be a good idea so that being on my feet and being physical during the move won't be so hard on me. She's right. Also, Saturday Ollie and I were supposed to go to the movies, but I had to bail on her because I was hit with really bad dizzy spells; she is concerned that it was my blood pressure spiking. She may have been right; I checked my blood sugar and it was right where it was supposed to be. I had them most of the day along with a bad headache - not migraine status, but close. I have GOT to start taking care of myself; why can't I see that?
Well, today is another day to make good choices. I didn't pack a lunch today (bad girl) because I have to run around at lunchtime getting some documents notorized, etc. I will troll the nutritional websites of the local fast food places and see if I can come up with a good lunch.
Please send me all of your fabulous weight-loss vibes!!
TTFN.
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