Saturday, February 22, 2014

This Week's Progress

Today’s post comes with a TMI warning. If you are uncomfortable with discussing the potential affects of diet changes on the human colon, please proceed with caution.

I feel I made some progress this week with my baby step changes. I had one 12oz can of diet Coke in the extremely early hours of Thursday morning (you can read about why on my non-weight loss blog - see list on my side bar) and one 20oz diet Dr. Pepper that I spread across two days. Does that mean it counts as two? I normally would have wolfed the entire 20oz in one sitting, so I kind of feel that it counts as two halves of one soda. In any case, it’s about 60oz less this week than in the past. I also drank more plain water than water with sugar-free flavor powder added. Now to extend this accomplishment into next week.

I did great with the sugar intake until yesterday and today, and to be honest, I don’t want to talk about it. Suffice it to say, I’d like a word with Kellogg’s to find out why they have waited until now to introduce Buttery Toffee Rice Krispies Treats. Bastards.

I am now going to talk about fiber (and this is where the TMI warning comes into play).

I have discovered that my body responds to fiber in my diet the same way I respond to a spider in the bathtub: Oh my god. What is that? Is that…GAHHHH!!! Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!! GAAAHHH! DROWN IT WITH SCALDING HOT WATER! OH MY GOD NOW IT’S FLOATING ON THE WATER! SET FIRE TO THE WATER! SET FIRE TO THE BATHTUB! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! GAAAHHHH!!!

I added fiber to my diet thusly: one orange, two servings of raw carrots, and two apples. Over four days. The fourth day, Wednesday, at around 2pm, I was in the small bathroom tucked away behind the stock shelves in the lab at work. Holy molten butt-lava, Batman. Fortunately, the loud air exchange fans that are running back in that part of the lab covered my whimpers of pain and shock and the wild elephant noises. It’s also a good thing that this is a private, one-holer, as trying to quietly have explosive diarrhea in a public restroom is pretty near impossible. As I perched on the seat in as close to the fetal position as I could manage, watching the paint peel from the walls, I thought – what the hell? I knew that if I ate a salad everyday, I could experience this. But just a couple of apples, carrots, and a single orange? REALLY?

I didn’t let it stop me though. The next day was weird (again I refer to you my other blog), but on Friday I had a salad with some soup (with potatoes and corn) as well as another apple for lunch. I was bloated and probably could have powered my vehicle home just by putting my butt out the window, but I survived. I’m hoping that this will clear itself up in time. If not, well, I’ll figure something out.

Hopefully the weather will hold out this weekend for me to get some outdoor exercise in. If not, I will dig out my “walking in place” DVD, puff the dust off of it, and put it to good use.

I plan to keep with the baby steps and then add a few more. Hang in there with me, and please pass the extra soft Charmin.

Cheers. Thanks a lot.

PS – Just for fun, here is a picture of me and my mom circa 1967 when I was seven months old. Do I look like trouble or what? And isn’t my mom gorgeous?

1 comment:

  1. Good job on sticking with the fruits and veggies. This too shall pass. HaHa! Or as the old adage have to crawl before you walk. Hope you got some exercise.