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Unemployed.

• Uninsured
• Unmedicated
• Unhappy
• Unmotivated

Excuses, excuses.  You know, when I was employed full time, all I could think about was all the things I would be doing if I wasn't employed full time.  Some of the things I daydreamed about were working out, eating right and losing weight.  I just didn't have time to do those things properly because I was away from home for 8-10 hours a day.  Right?  Well, I've been 100% unemployed (again) since April, and ask me how many times I have worked out; ask me about how I've been eating; ask me how much weight I've lost.  You know what my answer would be?  BITE ME.  NONE YA BIZNIZZ.

Ok, so it just goes to show you that it isn't a not-enough-hours-in-the-day time thing.  But I know that.  My biggest problem is that I am full of words and dreams, but when it comes down to it, I just sit like a blob. 

It used to be that TV (and NetFlix) were the issue.  Now it's Pintrest.  Oh lord, I have wasted so many hours in this stupid chair pinning clothes I will never wear, recipes I will never make...  My diet and exercise board consists mainly of jokes about why I haven't lost weight.  Joy!  But, to be fair, I have started to find some things that make sense to me, and have also found a few (more) inspirational blogs to follow.

I really don't want to be like this anymore.  This what goes on in my head, 24/7, on a loop:

PROBLEM                                              SOLUTION
I hurt all the time.  My back, feet,                Move the body anyway.  It hurts to just do basic stuff,
 hips, etc.                                                    so it's going to hurt when you exercise.  What's the
                                                                  difference?

I don't have anywhere to safely walk.          Walk up and down the driveway, stupid.

The only things we have in the house to       Do the best you can, drink more liquids to fill yourself
 eat are boxes of macaroni & cheese,           up, get a job so you can buy your own food.
 Top Ramen, and eggs.

I'm off my anti-depressant and cannot         Stop whining and get on with it already.
 get motivated to do anything good
 for myself.

You'd think that I'd be getting a great workout, beating myself up like this on a daily basis, but funnily enough it doesn't really work that way.

Today I am going to walk up and down our driveway.  It's not super long or anything, but it's a rural home driveway so it's probably 3x's the length of the typical home's driveway.  The road we live on really isn't a very safe road to be on; it's barely wide enough for two cars to pass each other, a 50mph speed limit (which means that people drive 75mph), with deep ditches on either side with no shoulder.  So I will start with the driveway, walking up and down as many times as I can, then later I will start walking on the road with my bright department-of-transportation-orange safety vest on.

I am looking for a bicycle that will support my weight that costs less than a small country's national budget, and I have found one.  I have it pinned (HA!  shut up) on my diet & exercise board on Pintrest - check it out if you like.  I really would like to get one; when I was in high school and in my best shape/weight I rode my bike @100 miles a week.  I had fantastic legs and a wonderful sense of freedom.  It would be a great way for me to get out in the fresh air and sunshine (whenever it decides to show up - damn global warming in the Pacific NW), would be pretty much non-impact (unless I fall off the dumb thing), and a great way to build up my cardio.  I would ultimately want to start running, but I'm afraid my boobs will beat me to death.  It's something to work up to anyway.

Well, that's where I stand for now.  Eventually this will become a blog about weight LOSS, not just weight whining.  Hang in there!

TTFN