My post is a little late this week; sorry. We lost our internet at home because I haven’t been able to get the bill paid, so I have to be sneaky and do this at work. Shhhh…
I guess another reason why it is late is because I am ashamed. I am ashamed because when I weighed in on Monday night I had gained. My current recorded weight is now more than it was the day I started. EERRRGGG.
I DID. NOT. WANT. to go to my meeting to weigh in. I was flipping and flopping back and forth all day about whether or not I was going to go. I knew I had gained; I didn’t need the trim and sporty little receptionist to give me the “knowing eye” and solemnly tell me how much. I didn’t want to sit among the successful that would be able to say that not only had they not gained, they actually lost! I would have to fake a smile and clap for them. And if I didn’t mention skipping the meeting on this blog, no one would ever know.
But then I got to really thinking about it. A gain is a gain, whether or not you acknowledge it aloud, or whether anyone else knows about it. And if I had been one of the successful ones that managed to ride out a tough holiday week without gaining and actually losing weight, I would want people to be genuinely happy for me and I would want that clapping! In fact, I would probably stand up on my chair, wave my arms and bloody DEMAND it! Also, I promised full disclosure and complete honesty on this blog; if I left out or glossed over the fact that I skipped the meeting, not only would I be lying to myself, but I would be lying to any and all that read this blog (and I appreciate each and every one of you). Not cool.
So, I put on my big girl panties and went. I gained 2.2lbs. Not as bad as I had expected actually. Especially since I almost singlehandedly polished off the two pumpkin pies my sister made.
I decided to put a positive spin on this situation and not dwell on the negative parts of it.
I gave myself one pat on the back for actually going to the meeting. I received much needed encouragement; discovered that I actually gained the least out of those that did gain; and I felt in control because I overrode that stupid voice that constantly tries to undermine my attempts at strength building behavior, or that constantly tells me I am a failure so why bother?
My second pat on the back was for only gaining 2.2lbs. Now, that may seem lame and self-enabling to some, and to those who think so, I say BITE ME. Trust me, the fact that I only gained 2.2 and not 12.2 is a big deal. If I had not been paying attention to what or how much I was eating, I would have easily gained 10lbs in a week; I have done it in the past. So, even though I didn’t have perfect self-restraint, I did have some and I feel that it merits acknowledgement. So there. Pffft.
This week has been great. Instead of starting off depressed and negative, I have been positive and in control. I have stuck to my points every day this week; I have planned out what I am going to eat and have figured out the points ahead of time; I have significantly increased my water intake. I have set a reminder in Microsoft Outlook to pop up every hour on my work computer that says DRINK WATER! It’s working. I have been peeing like a racehorse multiple times a day and that is great because – this is a fact I didn’t know until Brock told me – you lose fat through your urine. Yep. I never thought about how fat gets out of my body (probably because it doesn’t happen very often); I thought the body just incinerated it. So, the more you pee the more fat you lose! Woo hoo!!!!
So, I look forward to a loss on Monday night. I can’t wait.
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