Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My message on the WW 200+ to lose board

Today I took a deep breath and put it all out there on the message boards at WW.  I like the "200+ pounds to lose" board; those people on there are so inspirational!

Here is what I posted:

Hi guys – just wanted to introduce myself! My name is Heather (aka Big Auntie) and I joined WW for the third (and last) time on 11/5/12. I live in western Washington state, waaaaay out in the boonies, with my sister, BIL and my BIL’s friend. We have 6 dogs, 2 cats, chickens, ducks, and goats. I love my sister more than life itself, but I am not a happy camper in life.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food; I have allowed it to control me and it has become the only thing that brings me happiness – albeit temporarily. I hate my job, am not happy at home, and the last time I had anyone in my life romantically it was 1984.

Two weeks ago I was pouring myself a huge bowl of cereal and adding sugar to it when our friend said to me, “You know that stuff will kill you.” My reply, without even thinking, was, “That’s the plan.” I have been a long-time sufferer of depression and have suspected for some time that I have been trying to commit a slow-suicide with food, but it never really pierced my consciousness until I said that out loud to another person. For some reason, after trying for 20+ years to lose weight but only succeeding in getting fatter, something clicked. I don’t want to live this way anymore. But I do want to live.

I decided to do the WW w/meetings this time. I don’t have any friends and the people here at work at pretty anti-social, but nice. Due to our current work/financial situation at home, I rarely get to see my sister anymore, but she is very supportive of my desire to lose weight. Between work and home, I feel like the mother stuck at home with a bunch of toddlers, aching for adult conversation. I have been to two meetings so far and really like the group that meets there, and I really like the leader, Sue. I lost four pounds my first week so I am headed in the right direction.

I want to lose this weight because I have let it define me, and this is not the legacy I want to leave behind. I am a fun, spontaneous type of person, and being 230 pounds overweight holds me back from being who I truly am. I haven’t had any mirrors around me that show my body from lower than my shoulders for years and I am devastated every time I see my reflection in a store window. The bathroom I use at my sister’s house has a mirror that shows me from mid-thigh up and it is directly opposite the shower; it ruins my day on a constant basis.

My weight problems began when I was about 17; I lost about 20 pounds during the school year for no reason that we can think of; it just simply fell off. The summer between my junior and senior year I gained about 35 pounds just as easily as I lost the previous 20. I went on a 2-week trip to my grandmothers and none of the clothes I left with fit for the trip home. My boyfriend could not believe his eyes when he saw me the day after I got home. I struggled to lose the weight – I had to get it off before school started because I had to fit into my band uniform. I have gained an average of 10 pounds per year since then (sometimes I didn’t gain weight for several years, then suddenly – BAM! 20 pounds gained seemingly overnight). I have had all the thyroid tests – every new doctor takes one look at me and screams, “THYROID!” with delight, only to have all the panels come back normal. They hate that.

Sorry to go on and on about myself, but I hope that if there is someone out there like me, hanging back, just reading the boards and perhaps feeling like no one understands how they feel – they might see this and see themselves and know that they are not alone. Thanks to all of you that post on this board – you are very inspirational to me.

Well, that's it for today.  I've been sood so far and tracking all my food this week, even though it was CHICKEN ENCHILADA DAY yesterday, and then we had pizza for dinner on top of that!  I still managed to have 18 of my weekly "splurge" points left for the week because I only had two medium slices of pizza instead of 5 or 6 huge ones.  Yay me!

1 comment:

  1. Just popping in to say hello. It was so good to see you on the 200 to lose board! There are some amazing stories on that board. Hope you are doing well!