Thursday, June 10, 2010

Maybe I Should Just Pay My Mom…

So, over on Jack Sh*t’s blog, he has been talking about this new do-hicky thing that helps him to get more exercise. I went to the website and checked it out myself. It’s actually pretty nifty. It costs $99 plus tax and shipping, and that buys you the electronic monitor thingy and four months of on-line personal coaching and access to all the bells and whistles on the website; then it’s $12.50 per month to keep it up. I emailed my sister to see what she thought about it.

Sis’s reply to my email: Hmmmmmm, kinda interesting. If you think it will help you, then I'm all for it!

I kind of expected a more enthusiastic response; but then I got to thinking about how she said, “If you think it will help you”, and that made me think…why do I need to pay for a little plastic thingy with lights on it to encourage me to move my body more? Why do I need to pay someone to tell me to move my body more? I already know that I need to get the body moving. Heck, my mom is always encouraging me (in her way, such as it is) to get out and be more active – maybe I should just pay her! Especially since I already owe her money! Joy!

I guess the little thingy appeals to me because I am some sort of visually responsive person. Maybe it’s why I compulsively make lists – I love being able to see that I have crossed things off. I like making graphs and posting charts and weight loss thermometers to track my weight loss (when I’m actually losing weight, that is) because I like seeing the lines move in the direction that indicates that I am doing well. I like the idea of seeing all the charts and graphs that would show my daily/weekly/monthly progress with the exercise thingy.

But do I really need that?

One of the things that really pisses me off about being overweight is all the money to be made from my personal struggle. There are self-help books and diet books and diet cookbooks and diet CDs and diet DVDs and on-line diet plans and diet clubs and exercise DVDs and exercise equipment and diet supplements and diet pills and powders and shakes and bars and frozen meals and gimmicks and gizmos and if you laid them all out end to end there wouldn’t be enough room for actual humans on the planet. And all of them want my money. And your money. And your spouse’s money. And your mother’s and your sister’s and your brother’s and your dog’s money. And 99.99992% of all of that junk either doesn’t work or actually boils down to the mysterious secret of true weight loss: stop stuffing your face with crap and move your ass. Of course, that can’t really be the true answer because if it was truly that simple then everybody would be doing it. Right? Can I get an Amen?

Now, I just want to be clear on one thing: I am not dissing anyone that uses anything listed above, or this nifty little do-hicky that Jack is currently using. Like my sister said, if you think it will help you…and I am 100% behind anything that actually helps. I have not closed the door on getting one of these little thingys and using it myself. And if Phillips actually offered me one for free (or at least free for the first four months), you know I would be jumping at it.

But since I am cripplingly broke and it doesn’t really make sense for me to spend cash money on this little exercise thingy when I can’t even afford to do Weight Watchers online and since I have had this epiphany that I have shared with you all – I have decided to do what I already know I need to do, and do it for free. I work in an office that is actually just a fancy walled off corner in a three story warehouse. I am going to start walking around inside the warehouse on this main floor during lunchtime, and will start to add in some stairs once I have built up some stamina. It’s not really safe to walk outside in this neighborhood, mostly because our building is right on a main street that is commonly mistaken for the Indy 500 and there are limited sidewalks that would need to be shared with some pedestrians of questionable character and hygiene habits. Also, this way I won’t be able to walk past my endurance’s point of no return, stranding myself somewhere down the street and not being able to walk back. It won’t be a lot of walking, but it will be 100% more than I have been doing.

I am actually looking forward to it. Weird, huh? I just might have to make a chart.



  1. That's an excellent idea. I have had money, spent it on the expensive stuff...($140 on Six Week Total Body Makeover anyone?) and now I"m broker than broke, and I have legs that work. For free. I go to the gym b/c a friend paid for it for the year (only $99) but doing things yourself is a great idea. It doesn't cost money to walk!!! Excellent post, and good luck with this!

  2. Hey Montana! Since one of your obsessions is making lists, how about writing a list about all the things you like about yourself! I too have a tendency to dismiss the good things about myself and head straight for the I-hate-myself comments. Well here it is Ms. Montana: I am daring you to go as long as possible without saying a negative thing about yourself. When you think negative, turn it around and then say it out loud as a positive! You got this girlfriend! Rock it!